How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
