I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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