Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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