Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
