fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
