one two three fourrrrnication!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
