my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
