Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
