I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
