I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
