3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i love accidental penises.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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