A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
