i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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