The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
