sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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