"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize