addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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