Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
