I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
even my farts smell like vagina
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
