just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
