Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
