i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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