Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize