Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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