remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
