I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
