Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
