He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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