If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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