I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
