I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
