if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
