Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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