I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My ATM looks so different sober.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
