Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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