I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
