i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
