Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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