Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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