Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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