I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
