I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So many bounce houses so little time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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