Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
