Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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