He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
