Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
