Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
