I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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