so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
