Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
