Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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