I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
