i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize