i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize