I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
