guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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