Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
