I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
