i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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