i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
