jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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