dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
