I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
