sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
