i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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