He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
