You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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