nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize