Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
