she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
