put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
