I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
