then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
