he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
