Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
