well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
