Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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