YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
