So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
