he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
